Now that I've got your attention! Isn't this what women all want? They want the nice guys' shoulder to cry on but they want the bad boy to fuck them hard! I want a boy who has both. Do they exist?
At the risk of sounding a touch arrogant:
Ask my last girlfriend and I think she'll tell you they do.
I approach your question this way because I would never presume to say outright that I am both these things. But according to all the counsels I keep and comments I've heard about my nice guy status and other prowess, it would seem that I at least qualify.
As for others, I can certainly not vouch. However, I can definitely deduce that I am not the only living male capable of doing both these things. Not by a long shot. :)
I think I would add to that and say that the hard fucking is nice, but it would be GREAT to find someone capable of both hard and gentle. I haven't met many who can do both: gentle all the time gets boring, and hard all the time gets painful.
Of course, there's also the problem of trying to find someone like that without having to go up and ask people about their bedroom talents. C'est la vie.
Unsu...I was just tribesurfing and had to join this tribe JUST to respond to this post.
My understanding of women is that they go for the bad boys because these dudes exhibit their testosterone, that mysterious substance which women lack, and which drives them to a) guys who have it or b) chicks who wear lots of flannel and own no skirts.
Problem is, the reason testosterone actually comes in handy, besides the fun ball-slapping part, is that women actually want a guy who will stand up for them, stand up *to* them, protect them, and provide for them.
Because women are so naturally powerful, they need guys with decent testosterone counts to do the job. Most guys actually have enough testosterone to get the job done, but women need to hang out with the not-bad boy long enough to see what kind of catch he really is, then allow themselves to get attracted.
The benefit is that these not-bad boys actually give the woman space to be who she *really* is ("He feels like a brother!" "I can tell him ANYTHING! He's such a good *friend*!" <ouch!>), but she doesn't feel compelled to change such that he would find her attractive, as she would with the bad boy. Not sure what I'm talking about? OK, which guys in your life do you feel self-conscious around? Do you want that self-consciousness in the space of a romantic partnership? It will ALWAYS be there if he's not the one. Have fun!
Ladies, if you want to win at love, don't go for the guys you just wanna fuck. Go for the guys who want to fuck you AND do anything on earth they can to please you. Not sure if they exist? They are your guy friends. The ones whom the bright, flashing lights of bad boy attraction are blinding you too.
My money says that if you open yourself to it, and allow yourself to become attracted, and respect the guy for the great man that he is and what he has to contribute to you, miracles will show up. Do you want bright flashing lights, or a slow burning candle?
"Do you want bright flashing lights, or a slow burning candle?"
How about a variable frequency strobe?
Beep beep beep beep
I guess I learned early. When I was 20, I married a bad boy. Every bell and light went off with him, but less than a month after we were married, he tried to kick my head off (quite literally). Immediate divorce.
After that I dated for a good ten years before I married again and found I mostly attracted the artistic "nice guys" who were drawn to my strength, intelligence and self-assuredness. I think I'm one of those women who has enough of some mysterious substance (I don't own any flannel but I own a business). I've had several friends say I'd make a great living as a dominatrix, but I just don't need someone licking my boots.
At 30, I have had the good fortune to find something between the "bad" boy and the "nice" guy. Thank the gods for nerds. Those amazingly intelligent, self-assured (and now very hip) kinda of guy. We've been married for almost fifteen years now. And certainly not without our fair share of insanity. But he's not an asshole and he's not a wuss (well, OK, he has moments of both).
Even when our relationship blew apart at the traditional seven year mark, we weathered through a separation, even double dated (if you can imagine), and never broke the essential bond between us with all the typical blame game hysteria that goes on when people separate.
I think some of our success comes from a sufficient lack of jealousy and limitation. We can both see other people if we want.
Part of it stems from realistic expectations and the ability to communicate them clearly. Some is tolerance of the other's irrational behavior.
However I think at the core of our relationship is the ability to look each other square in the eye and tell the truth. I trust him to be honest. And not because he always tells me what I want to hear. I trust him BECAUSE he has often told me what I didn't want to hear. We share the same sense of integrity. I think that's key.
I think we have something between the strobe light and the slow burning candle. It's an essential fire that has to be stoked on a regular basis. Sometimes it flares and burns red hot and bright, sometimes it burns down to glowing embers. There's a balance to keeping it going that takes effort and desire on both sides.