The "mythical" nice guy is not a myth, nor a contradiction in words.
It is, quite bluntly, an epithet. A three word way of saying
"I want an exciting man but when he turns out to be a jerk as well, it's his fault. When I meet a guy who is nice and he turns out to be boring, it's his fault. It's never my fault that I have a poor ability to judge men."
And the term "mythical nice guy" tells quite a tale, for those who have observed the actions of those who most often use those three words.
It is a term born of hypocrisy, arrogant self-righteousness, and denial.
The Hypocrisy comes out when the user of that "mythical nice guy" word is down in the dumps and moping about one's lackluster sex life - which is, mind you, translated as throngs of men doting over said person, none of whom are desirable. They demand to be coddled and showered with sympathy, but when a man comes along who mopes about the same thing? The claws come out, fully sharpened. Men don't have a right to complain at all, much less bitterly, like, say, the almost unviersally adored Maureen Dowd does.
The arrogance and self righteousness is evident in the "it's his fault if I date a jerk." The first time, yeah it's his fault. Jerks are jerks and there's no excuse for being a jerk. But running into another one the second and third time? There's an old saying: "Screw me over once, shame on you; screw me over twice, shame on me." But then a guy who is nice, is considered boring because he doesn't drink or smoke, and doesn't go around pushing around other males to prove his dominance. God forbid he be a geek. Oh yes, men are less mature than women. Perhaps because no one ever even cares to look at the book worm males foregoing the alpha male game in high school and who are studying to later become doctors, scientists, and all the other techno workers that made our society safe and, beyond any debate, our lifespans longer? These boys - the ones most likely to become "mythical nice guys" - who put their studies and their enrichment of society before their social skills, and who have made our world a better place, are "less mature" than the jock-chasing cheerleaders around them? HARDLY! They're far more mature: and they're a) not counted in that "male maturity" thing, and b) they're marked as sexually undesirable UNTIL they make their millions. There's no sympathy for these hard working boys, or the often lonely men they grow up to be - but there's plenty of sympathy for the cheerleader who dates the jock and winds up in a trailer park hiding from creditors while refusing to leave her now violent husband because she loves him dearly.
And from that comes DENIAL. The denial that one's romantic woes are in part one's own fault. Oh, sure, we know and accept universally that a man's woes are all his fault. But then he's also at fault for everyone else's woes. It never occurs to anyone that dating violent and bullying men is in fact perpetuating their existence and is in fact giving a message to all men: that if you push others around and succeed, you get laid. Oh no, that will be considered heresy to say that. Nice, law abiding, considerate men are boring. That is, unless they're wearing Armani suits or military/police/firefighter uniforms. All that freedom of sexual liberation and not even one shred of role flexibility is afforded to men. You're either an alpha male or you're last in line. One would imagine 2006 would be a bit more of an enlightened age, considering all that talk about liberation and the shattering of gender roles in the past.
Let's not forget to add the most hateful slander of all: that "mythical nice guys" are ticking time bombs waiting to become rapists and murderers, and their "nice guy" behavior is just a front for a more undesirable side. Wait a minute. If that's the case, if they're really that undesirable, then why are convicted mass rapist Richie Ramirez and murderer Charles Manson getting so many love letters? These guys, who MURDERED and RAPED many women, get adoring female fans, but a law abiding "mythical nice guy" gets nothing because he possibly MIGHT be a horrible world destroying supervillain? Woah. How does that add up?
It is, quite bluntly, an epithet. A three word way of saying
"I want an exciting man but when he turns out to be a jerk as well, it's his fault. When I meet a guy who is nice and he turns out to be boring, it's his fault. It's never my fault that I have a poor ability to judge men."
And the term "mythical nice guy" tells quite a tale, for those who have observed the actions of those who most often use those three words.
It is a term born of hypocrisy, arrogant self-righteousness, and denial.
The Hypocrisy comes out when the user of that "mythical nice guy" word is down in the dumps and moping about one's lackluster sex life - which is, mind you, translated as throngs of men doting over said person, none of whom are desirable. They demand to be coddled and showered with sympathy, but when a man comes along who mopes about the same thing? The claws come out, fully sharpened. Men don't have a right to complain at all, much less bitterly, like, say, the almost unviersally adored Maureen Dowd does.
The arrogance and self righteousness is evident in the "it's his fault if I date a jerk." The first time, yeah it's his fault. Jerks are jerks and there's no excuse for being a jerk. But running into another one the second and third time? There's an old saying: "Screw me over once, shame on you; screw me over twice, shame on me." But then a guy who is nice, is considered boring because he doesn't drink or smoke, and doesn't go around pushing around other males to prove his dominance. God forbid he be a geek. Oh yes, men are less mature than women. Perhaps because no one ever even cares to look at the book worm males foregoing the alpha male game in high school and who are studying to later become doctors, scientists, and all the other techno workers that made our society safe and, beyond any debate, our lifespans longer? These boys - the ones most likely to become "mythical nice guys" - who put their studies and their enrichment of society before their social skills, and who have made our world a better place, are "less mature" than the jock-chasing cheerleaders around them? HARDLY! They're far more mature: and they're a) not counted in that "male maturity" thing, and b) they're marked as sexually undesirable UNTIL they make their millions. There's no sympathy for these hard working boys, or the often lonely men they grow up to be - but there's plenty of sympathy for the cheerleader who dates the jock and winds up in a trailer park hiding from creditors while refusing to leave her now violent husband because she loves him dearly.
And from that comes DENIAL. The denial that one's romantic woes are in part one's own fault. Oh, sure, we know and accept universally that a man's woes are all his fault. But then he's also at fault for everyone else's woes. It never occurs to anyone that dating violent and bullying men is in fact perpetuating their existence and is in fact giving a message to all men: that if you push others around and succeed, you get laid. Oh no, that will be considered heresy to say that. Nice, law abiding, considerate men are boring. That is, unless they're wearing Armani suits or military/police/firefighter uniforms. All that freedom of sexual liberation and not even one shred of role flexibility is afforded to men. You're either an alpha male or you're last in line. One would imagine 2006 would be a bit more of an enlightened age, considering all that talk about liberation and the shattering of gender roles in the past.
Let's not forget to add the most hateful slander of all: that "mythical nice guys" are ticking time bombs waiting to become rapists and murderers, and their "nice guy" behavior is just a front for a more undesirable side. Wait a minute. If that's the case, if they're really that undesirable, then why are convicted mass rapist Richie Ramirez and murderer Charles Manson getting so many love letters? These guys, who MURDERED and RAPED many women, get adoring female fans, but a law abiding "mythical nice guy" gets nothing because he possibly MIGHT be a horrible world destroying supervillain? Woah. How does that add up?
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Wed, July 26, 2006 - 11:53 AMBut there are some geeks who live satisfying lives in relationships. There are some guys who are nice people who get married, have kids and live satisifying lives...because they have the ability to actually hold down a relationship, to find the right person...because it takes two people willing to work on a relationship and make it work, not one...and you can't force the other person to participate. The trick is learning how to recognize when self-delusion is counter-productive and move on. I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not even saying I'm successful at recognizing that in myself or others.
All I'm saying is I recognize the possibility that maybe being needy and/or boring is not necessarily the best pheremone there is, no matter how nice one thinks oneself to be...especially if one is hanging out in some imaginary world where everything just has to go your way or else you are somehow a failure. You are not a failure. You are a human being just like the rest of us. And because you are, you can change. We can change. And if we can change then we can have a relationship. Otherwise, I guess we just need to find people who are just as rigidly invested in their own emotions as we are and are not going to change. But why is it that I'm always hearing so much about how it was only one persons fault and the person who participated was all squeeky clean and contributed nothing to the continuing behaviour and their own self-abuse?
Believe it or not, there are people who date because they are bored. Believe it or not, there are people who drink just to get drunk. But, do we have to hang out with those people? No. That's our choice to make. So, if you're not happy with a situation, don't look to the magical formula of "everyone with an [ijk] chromosome hates me and just dates me to be mean to me!" Instead, work on recognizing the people who are compatible and those that are not. Yeah, it's difficult. But, you know what? Some people succeed at doing just that because they put in the hard work, learn from their mistakes, and become happy. And then there are other people who just sit around and complain... -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sat, August 26, 2006 - 8:22 AM"All I'm saying is I recognize the possibility that maybe being needy and/or boring is not necessarily the best pheremone there is,"
Not for men, at least. Needy guys are avoided by women; needy women attract countless men, though most of them are not nice. -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sat, August 26, 2006 - 9:13 AMActually, just like women, men get married in almost equal numbers and have similar relationship experience. It may be true that because of social, possibly hormonal differences in how their bodies react to sex, and the possibility thereof, that there are differences between the typical man and typical woman in American society...yes, that could be true. But, really, if one is expecting that it is easy to have a relationship and that somehow that all the work needs to be done by the other party, well, that's what I'm arguing against here. Basically, if you fix yourself, you'll know when it's accomplished because you'll feel good about trying to achieve your goals.
Heck, I have a friend who one day sat down and said "I'm going to get a job where I can work from home." He did that. Then he said, "I'm going to live in a spot remote from work, buy a home, and go skiing almost everyday." He did that. Next, he said, "I'm going to find a wife and have kids." And, you know what? He did that too. Then he decided that he wanted to live in Europe for awhile. So...he did that. Basically, he set a goal every year about where he wanted to be in the next year and he accomplished his goals. Is he happier than other people? Probably. But is he any different from folks who have problems? Only in one way--he set his goals and he accomplished them, one each year.
I am lucky to know this guy and folks like him. They are examples of how one just says, "Okay, I'm going to accomplish this" and they don't give up til they have achieved. The solution sounds simple but it's really, really hard work. You can't let disappointment and failures along the way get you to blaming other folks. You have to stay focussed on the goal. And, if you can find someone else like that, with the goal of having a long-term stable relationship, that has the ability to focus on that with you, well, that's a difficult thing to find but it can be done...if you want to put in the work.
Some people try to date and never have one. Some people date and never find someone who is truly compatible. And some people just marry the first person they ever go out with. And then there are other people who have a handful of relationships over the years and finally get married in their 30s and 40s. One thing I've observed though is that there are less "eligible" people for long-term relationships as they get snapped up as time passes. And that one has to be willing to change one's own expectations and demeanor, exercise some judgement and reasonableness, intelligence as it were, if one wants to meet someone and establish a lasting relationship. Oh, you could get lucky but that's not why we're here, correct? -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sat, August 26, 2006 - 11:21 PM"Actually, just like women, men get married in almost equal numbers and have similar relationship experience."
Not exactly. Some men are working on their 2nd or 3rd marriage by the time other men have their first.
Ultimately, you can do some things to improve yourself, but fate's uncanny ability to strike you down is evidenced by the fact that we aren't ruling the universe yet. I'm not downing your essential point to try to improve yourself or achieve your goals, but there are limitations beyond your control. If there weren't, we'd all be Gods. But not even one of us is a God, so that says a lot.
But back to my original point... why is it that when a guy says he is a nice guy and he isn't finding anyone, he's automatically accused of all kinds of assumed flaws? Why do criminals have more sex appeal than nice guys? -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sun, August 27, 2006 - 1:39 PMEveryone has a different personality from any other person. The degree of difference with in a gender is very great between various individuals. Some people are attracted to criminals...and many aren't. If you keep hanging out with people who are attracted to criminals, look to yourself as the problem...it is not justification to become a criminal per se. -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sun, August 27, 2006 - 6:00 PMEveryone has a different personality, but that does not change the fact that society at large has a more intolerant view toward 'nice guys', especially ones that complain, than it has towards drug dealers and the like. How that became "I prefer to be a criminal" befuddles me but I'm sure I missed something. I'm just saying that "Some people are attracted to criminals...and many aren't - but NO ONE has any sympathy for any guy who complains about his problems."
Why is it so repulsive for men to complain about not getting dates, but not women? And why is it so incredibly repulsive in light of far worse traits and behaviors that seem to get more acceptance in society?
Have you ever seen a guy shown even half the same compassion and white knight treatment as is shown to a woman who is embittered by something? Why not, or why is it so rarely seen? Why is he almost always disproportionately demonized?
And to Kim... sweetguys.tribe.net/thread/1...57ac8fffa -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Mon, August 28, 2006 - 6:32 AM"Everyone has a different personality, but that does not change the fact that society at large has a more intolerant view toward 'nice guys', especially ones that complain, than it has towards drug dealers and the like."
WHAT? I don't like to hear anyone complain excessively male or female and I certainly have more of a problem with someone standing outside an elementary school selling crack than I do with a nice guy who complains.
People are naturally repelled by people who whine and moan too much. Who wants to be around someone who complains constantly male or female? That gets old REAL fast. -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Mon, August 28, 2006 - 6:40 PMOkay.
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sun, August 27, 2006 - 4:00 PM"But back to my original point... why is it that when a guy says he is a nice guy and he isn't finding anyone, he's automatically accused of all kinds of assumed flaws? Why do criminals have more sex appeal than nice guys?"
Accused by who?
I'm sorry but having spent time around criminals, particularly the kind that are in jail, they have no appeal to me. I don't claim to speak for most women but I somehow doubt self respecting single women are out there looking for a man with a rap sheet. Maybe some women are into that kind of thing but I don't know any personally. -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Tue, January 2, 2007 - 6:30 AMYeah...i mean, why not just turn your attention away from criminal lovers...like Kim says, they are not self respecting women, and the only way you are gonna find positive experiences with women...is to focus your attention on positive women...self respecting women.
Now...with regards to people giving male complainers a harder time than women complainers...yes...i agree. I have seen you bring this up constantly in other threads. I would say....it's the way we as a society have taught men and women to be :- Guys are taught to be tough, not to cry, that that's for girls to do. Don't show your emotions etc. Which is why you see women talk to each other a lot about their problems in general, and men don't. I wish men did talk to each other more...because in the past when i have had relationship issues, i know they have not gone and discussed it with anyone of their friends, and so they are very stuck in their own opinion, whereas i have gone and talked with others, opened myself up to constructive critisism, you know, i have been more open to suggestions, to change in general - and i feel the guys way of not talking it over with anyone, makes it a lot harder (not impossible) to mull over the situation and figure out if they were wrong or need to change something etc etc. I'm not saying you can't manage a relationship without discussing things with others, but it sure as hell helps to do so than to not. And that's the thing - guys are socially conditioned to not express feelings, talk to one another...which is why i think that if guys complain, they get the negative response...like it's seen as a weakness....and yet gals get more sympathy.
What i would suggest you do, and i suggest we all do this in all things, is to figure out a way of airing your grievances in a more positive way, one that is going to serve all. Instead of complaining - share what happened to you in a non poor me i'm a victim way..with an open heart...open to the possibility that some one may actually tell you what you don't want to hear. They may observe something you were doing and give constructive ( i hope!) critizism. Not that i am assuming you were in the wrong at all in the relationship you were complaining about, but if you are complaining and just coming from a place of anger, bitterness, or just playing the victim...how do you expect the person listening to be inspired to hear you and respond in help? If you try to tell your story from a place of wanting to learn and grow - even if it does mean looking within to see if you may have been at fault somewhere along the line, you will find people responding to you with inspiration to help - just by seeing how cool you are being about it - and you will inspire them to react the same way when they have any scenario with anyone that is negative. Then you can delight in having made a positive change in the world from taking that negative relationship experience, and just by your reaction and behaviour to it - inspire others to also copy your positive behaviour, thereby enhancing their lives by demonstrating a positive way to cope with lifes challenges! Misery likes company, but positive energy can also be contageous!
Someone did a thread and was talking about the importance of honesty. I think Kim was the one who said that she didn't agree with lying to protect someone's feelings, but to say it in a tactful way. I agree....as with your complaining about bad experiences, i think we just need to find ways to communicate things in life in a way that will serve us well....be it an inconvenient truth, or a complaint about something.
I personally am struggling with this, and would like to ask you all to add any books/lectures/workshops/councilors/gurus you may know of that specialize in the art of communication.
Come on people! lets use this thread to bring some positive action for the challenges being discussed! -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Tue, January 2, 2007 - 8:38 AM"Not that i am assuming you were in the wrong at all in the relationship you were complaining about, but if you are complaining and just coming from a place of anger, bitterness, or just playing the victim...how do you expect the person listening to be inspired to hear you and respond in help?"
I think this advice might fall on deaf ears. I just got slagged in another thread for saying this.
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Tue, January 2, 2007 - 9:59 PMKitt, you present a very sympathetic and balanced point of view, and you at least recognize what I'm talking about.
It's a lot easier to listen to someone like you when you come from an angle of understanding instead of bullheaded judgementalism. -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Wed, January 3, 2007 - 6:26 AMShe said what I did only she was more diplomatic about it than I was.
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Fri, January 5, 2007 - 9:06 AMGreat post, Kitty Kat. :)
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Unsu...
Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sun, January 7, 2007 - 8:30 AMKitt: Books: I posted this in a couple different places, but I'll post here too. I found these at Goodwill while waiting for my car to be repaired, and they are good companions for each other.
"Love is Letting Go of Fear" Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D.
LIGHT reading, to be sure. Purports there are two main emotions, Love and Fear. That we see our present through distorted images of our past and expectations of our future, thereby blinding us to the actual present. It rings true to me, in that I'm so busy worrying about the past and future that there IS NO PRESENT. Has short, easy lessons to work on daily. Also, has little line drawings which I'm dying to color in with my collection of colored pencils (if I can FIND the colored pencils).
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"Anger" Thich Nhat Hanh
Again, trapped by the past and future, you can't fully live in the moment, the present and enjoy it. Has a GREAT example right in the intro on communication. I'll see if I can figure out where I posted that part. It was for a couple that had been having problems for YEARS, and yet I felt most of the words that were used would be applicable even to some of the people I've talked to a bit online. Somewhere the communication got screwy, and I know a lot IS my fault, because I don't understand. And there is only one way I will ever understand another person. They have to tell me.
Okay, here's the post where I put in an excerpt:
tribes.tribe.net/not-into-...28fc332884
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As far as gents complaining...I don't think less of them. Get those feelings out. Talk about them. Anything less than the meeting of minds via conversation, learning to understand each other, really communicating with each other, that is not an option.
Um, LT, I don't know what kinds of gals you've run into, but we aren't all like that. I'm not overly concerned with a guy's income, and less is more. I do not want to be with some guy who spends 80 hours at the office or hospital or courthouse. I want him home with me. Or us to be doing something we both enjoy outside the home. I'm in love with the guy, not his wallet. Or his profession.
I do have my own deal-breakers for guys, and that is the "addict" group: Drugs, alcohol, porn, sex, etc. No, I'm not polygamous. I'm NOT a mind reader and should not be expected to know your thoughts, so we'd better darn well be willing to communicate, explain. I like the concept of negotiation and consent for just about everything. So that no one's feelings are hurt and either person can call the discussion or activity to a halt at any time.
My former spouse would drag me along to all his interests that I was SOOOO not into. Waterskiing (I barely swim). Bowling (I don't bowl, I just would get drunk and eat junk food). Golf (only one time did I get dragged along, and almost rolled the cart, so I never had to do that again, whew). Those evening city/county softball leagues for men (hang out with a bunch of men I don't know and my husband, being eaten by mosquitos, oh, the fun). Well, we probably had nothing in common, he was quite athletic, good at what he did, and I didn't do any of it. Let's not talk about that anymore.
One person's trash is another's treasure. That works for mates too. If you're finding women that don't like to hear your thoughts, those aren't the ones for you. Find the ones who value those thoughts, those discussions, that listen, that care. And definitely go for the ones who won't put you down for voicing your thoughts.
I posted a bunch of key points in the Just Not That Into You tribe, making a list of what you HAVE to have:
tribes.tribe.net/not-into-...4003d918bb
Those things that are CRITICAL to your own happiness. That whole thread might be a good one to read. Plus, I had a really good time finding the photo links and posting captions for them. I was hysterical making my little photo story. Maybe you'll like it too. -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sun, February 11, 2007 - 1:11 AMWow, both you and Kitt write some awesome advice.
I just wanted to clarify - I never said women were awful people, I do say that society forgives whiny crying behavior by women and not men. When you're facing the gender version of the "whites at the front of the bus" culture, it's hard for a wide awake soul not to notice how pervasive that culture is. But you'll never see me turning a blind eye to what annoying and sometimes awful things happen to nice girls, either.
BTW your other post in the other tribe was a great read. My jaw dropped when I read that DravenGal constantly gets the "let's just be friends" treatment. I feel sorry for her. All I have to say is, don't give up. You wouldn't believe what I went through to get married. -
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This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.Unsu...
Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Sun, February 11, 2007 - 5:18 PMWe all face something. Some kind of challenge. Some kind of discrimination. Every single one of us.
I'm left-handed:
99thpercentile.tribe.net/threa...9f103c
I just thought of something...that maybe the "forgiving" of women's whiny crying behaviour is factually based...PMS. The rise and fall of hormones in women has been going on as long as there have been women. Not all women suffer extreme PMS, with radical mood swings.
I figure Tribe.net ought to get a PMS Module that I can use to warn people away when it's getting near my mood swing time. Did you ever see the commercials for some PMS medication? It was a year or more ago. The woman getting all bent out of shape over not being able to remove the shopping cart from the line of them? It was hysterical. Except it's also true. The stupidest things set me off.
No parking space? Boo hoo hoo, I am not destined to shop today. Boo hoo hoo, I'll just go home and starve. It's irrational and illogical, and it happens every single month.
Society would HAVE to forgive that behaviour in women, because it's our nature. If you want women in the world, you have to deal with rising and falling hormonal levels and some (not all) women have incredible mood swings. That's probably when prehistoric man left on five day hunting trips. ;-)
"Dude, grunt grunt, wah wah wah, boo hoo hoo, woman, find gazelle"
"Dude, woman wah wah wah too, gazelle good, travel long"
I read over in the Evolutionary Psychology tribe, and you might want to check it out too. It's interesting to think about WHY and WHERE some of these behaviours started. If you're thinking back to hunter/gatherer...men would have to be the hunters, because they're big and strong and faster, on average. We know that. We know that we separate men's and women's events in the Olympics, because physically, we are not equal.
There's a lot of talk on the Evolutionary Psych tribe on what behaviours would be rewarded, so check it out.
evolutionarypsychology.tribe.net
I think you'll like it. It's a different perspective. -
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Thu, March 1, 2007 - 12:23 AM"Society would HAVE to forgive that behaviour in women, because it's our nature."
Then wouldn't society have to forgive behavior in men that's driven by testosterone issues? Why is forgiveness always one-sided (not necessarily saying it is with you, but it is with society in general)?
And then how about this?
tastyresearch.wordpress.com/2006...sist/
September 17th, 2006
It’s fairly well-known that young men commit the majority of crimes in every society.
Previous explanations for this behavior have been flawed.
“many adolescents find their roles lacking in intrinsic rewards and turn to sensate activities to achieve a sense of self.”
But why would adults not want the same stimulation from crime as adolescents?
Gove and Walsh explain crime among adolescents as a function of the combination of high autonomy and low responsibility during the teenage years”
This only describes teenagers in modern western society, and so doesn’t hold for developing nations or even western nations in the past.
Kanazawa extends evolutionary psychology to explain the relationship between age and crime.
Evolutionary Psychology
The brain of humans evolved over millions of years when they were living in the African savanna during the Pleistocene epoch as hunter-gatherers. The basic premise of evolutionary psychology is that humans adapted psychological behaviors in order to reproduce and survive as a species.
Male sexual jealousy provides us with an example of evolutionary psychology. During the evolutionary years, males could not be certain of the paternity of their mates’ offspring while females were always certain of their maternity, due to the nature of offspring originating from the female body. Hence, males who invested their resources in offspring that wasn’t theirs ended up wasting them and not reproducing. Males would therefore have a strong incentive to prevent other males from having any sexual contact with their mates. This sexually selected men who were not jealous from the gene pool, and so we are descended from those with a psychological mechanism to be jealous.
On the other hand, women become jealous when their mates get emotionally involved with other women, because it diverts their resources from them and their children. Jealousy is not a choice, but a psychological response that was developed over millions of years to increase our reproductive success.
However, in modern developed countries, there are birth control methods which prevent women from having children when having an affair. But no man would say that this reduces the feeling of jealousy since this psychological mechanism was developed when birth control did not exist.
Applied to Criminality
During the evolutionary period, humans were mostly polygynous where some males would monopolize access to the females while others were completely left out. Reproductive success was at stake and this made the system very competitive; hence, there was a lot of violence as a result of this direct competition. Similarly, women tended to mate with men with resources, so acquiring them through stealing would be a means to increase their chances of reproductive success.
Despite the fact that violence and property crimes are looked down upon in modern society, the psychological mechanism to commit crimes in order to reproduce is still very much within us. This happens unconsciously and even those committing crimes are unaware of this logic.
Why is there a sharp decline in crime by men after reaching adulthood? While the benefits of reproductive success are still there, most men would have already had children by adulthood. The risks associated with committing the crime is greater because their children might starve or victims of others. This benefit versus cost analysis has been done through sexual selection, explaining the increase of crime among young adolescents and sharp decline during adulthood.
This theory explains many previous findings, including why men commit crimes overwhelmingly more than women, why married men have less tendency to commit crimes, and why sexual competition increases men’s tendency to commit crimes in every society. This also explains why men with lower status among their peers are more likely to commit crimes — they are less competitive and need more resources to achieve reproductive success.
All of us are descended from men and women who were very successful at reproduction.
Kanazawa, S. & Still, M. C. (2000). Why Men Commit Crimes (and Why They Desist). Sociology Theory, 18(3), 434-447
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Re: An examination of the many slanders against nice guys
Tue, February 13, 2007 - 2:22 AMI think somebody needs a hug.