Which one is worse... the doormat, or the person who abuses the doormat?
In my opinion, the moment a kind, trusting, non confrontational soul has to callous up and become "tough"... they've lost the fight completely, and the world has become a darker place.
There's a special place in hell for those who abuse those so-called "Doormats".
The same goes for men who abuse nice "doormat" women.
In my opinion, the moment a kind, trusting, non confrontational soul has to callous up and become "tough"... they've lost the fight completely, and the world has become a darker place.
There's a special place in hell for those who abuse those so-called "Doormats".
The same goes for men who abuse nice "doormat" women.
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Sun, December 31, 2006 - 8:46 AMBoth the doormat and the doormat abuser stink. The doormat is lame for a ton of reasons and the abuser is lame for being abusive. -
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Sat, August 4, 2007 - 2:21 AMI disagree. In the face of a sufficiently strong enough predator, anyone can be a doormat.
A so-called doormat is just someone who doesn't want confrontation. In the jungle, that's death. But we're a civilized society run by enlightened creatures. We're supposed to be the ones who say "you're a coward for picking on this doormat, quit that or we'll ostracize you." -
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Sun, August 5, 2007 - 4:11 PMDo you think of yourself as a...doormat? Or...? -
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Sun, August 5, 2007 - 8:57 PMThe doormat years were nearly 20 years ago for me.
When it comes up that I have to routinely choose to show a woman "spine" or to back down and be a doormat, I leave her. I vote with my feet.
Men need to ignore the "doormat or not" argument and just walk away. If she's not what you want then walk away. -
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Tue, November 20, 2007 - 11:47 PMl'm just curious....
What if she's right? ls admitting that being a doormat? l'm just trying to figure out what your interpretation of a doormat is. What does it mean to you? -
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Sat, January 26, 2008 - 6:09 AMWhat is a doormat?
Someone who is excessively nice, perhaps? Someone who tries to avoid confrontation at all costs? I think that could be agreed upon as a definition of a doormat, right?
I don't have a problem with that kind of person. It's the person who takes advantage of them that I have a problem with.
Doormat people are not why we have to dead bolt our doors. People who take advantage of doormats are why we have to worry about someone bypassing our deadbolted doors by driving a car into our living room or setting our house on fire to smoke us out.
Doormats, for the most part, don't scam you out of money. People who take advantage of doormats, however, will attempt to prey on you if they think they can. The arms race against these jerks costs all of us time, money, and a lack of trust in our neighbors.
People who prey on doormats inevitably evolve into the kinds of uber jerks that have collectively destroyed our sense of community and our ability to trust one another.
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Tue, November 20, 2007 - 11:46 PMBut we're a civilized society run by enlightened creatures.
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l can go with 'civilized society', to an extent, but 'run by enlightened creatures'?? What administration era are you living in? l don't mean to be rude, but seriously. l wholeheartedly agree that we're SUPPOSED to be the ones that speak up, but this IS a society of two creatures - the bullies and the doormats. You say yourself 'anyone' can be a doormat given a strong enough predator. l think that's pretty self-explanatory at this juncture in political and social history. The blessed few who DO speak up inspire, but they're still vilified by their own peers. lt's a challenging road to traverse, but those people convince me that not just anyone can be bullied into being a doormat. lf that were true, it'd be doing a real disservice to apply that to those who have worked very hard to take a stand with dignity, respect, and pride.
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Tue, January 2, 2007 - 2:20 PMI was a doormat for a while, but i've given it up.
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Sun, August 5, 2007 - 8:20 PMI have posted this Before but the same qualities hold true here as well:
What is an Alpha Male…
An Alpha is a Leader
Not always the biggest or strongest,
He is the one who steps forward when others step back…
The one you can call at 3 AM to ask for help and he comes to you,
With no recrimination once he arrives…
He is the one who takes the lovely lady who is out of her safety zones and
Had a few too many, safely home, non-violated,
She wakes remembering “He let me go, when he could have taken me”
An Alpha Male need do nothing
To announce his presence when he walks into a room,
For simply by doing so he already has…
An alpha male knows the first man who raises a fist
Is the first man who ran out of Ideas…
And finally and Alpha male knows there is nothing Honorable
In defeating a weak or helpless adversary. -
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Tue, August 7, 2007 - 3:19 AMHmm...that does not sound like the dogmatic definition of an alpha male mammal from social anthopological studies in college. Not that I take issue with your sentiment there, just the co-opting of the term to distort it out of its original meaning into some sort of self-help jargon contortion exercise.
>She wakes remembering “He let me go, when he could have taken me”
Hmm. Let's hope they both wake and wonder what the heck they are doing getting into situations like that where that might be an issue or a consideration. Note that some people take for granted that people will be nice...those who think that way don't dwell on all this stuff like some do here...would be my guess.
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Re: The "doormat" nice guy
Tue, November 20, 2007 - 11:38 PMl want to say the abuser. lt's the obvious answer, because they're aware enough to realize they can easily manipulate the doormat, and not only realize it, but take advantage of the opportunity to do so. But to name one or the other places blame only on the one, and finally, one cannot abuse if they are not allowed, and one cannot be abused if they don't allow it.
l was a doormat for the first 21 years of my life. Finally, l got tired of it, and l realized that if it was going to change, *l* needed to change first. And you know, l did become tougher and a little more reserved as a result of being manipulated up until that point, but it was that tough nature that got me through the VERY difficult few years that followed where l dumped a shitload of people l called friends, embraced a good couple of years of solitude, and found my confidence.
l'm not a doormat now. But when l was one, it was precisely the loss of innocence that motivated the decision that now allows me to have some of that back. l guess it's all a matter of perspective.
